Saturday, August 12th, 2023, 20:14
Whoa it's been a while since I got on here. Mostly that is due--actually, all of that is due--to the fact that this is a very busy time of year, for a lot of reasons. Firstly it's a super busy time of year when you work in education. You need to get ready to teach, which I have not even though I'm teaching starting next week, and then there's just a ton of administrative responsibilities that increase as well. Once it gets to be a month after the school year starts everything evens out, but the first month or so of a new school year is really just chaotic and miserable.
But before it got too heavy, two weeks ago, we went and saw Barbie with Chris and Cierra and Violet. I gotta say actually that was funny than a motherfucker. It really was. I do think it was overrated compared to the hype--but, like, don't listen to me because I'm cynical and dysphoric--and it showcased white feminism at its core, but it was a hilarious commentary on the contemporary state of patriarchy. Then that Sunday after work, I went to the trailhead to catch a skate before sundown, and I ran into a skater from the Cornfed Roller Derby who retired her skates at the end of last season; she recommended I hit the rink and give derby a shot! I always thought I couldn't do derby because I'm too petite, but apparently we make good blockers because we're low to the ground and can get some of the taller blockers in their thighs. Makes physical sense! I also pickled some Korean barbeque-flavored pickles, which paired nicely with a banchan brunch I prepared for us later that week.
But definitely the thing that was the most eventful part of the past couple of weeks was that Siren had her second foot surgery. I can't remember if I wrote about it on here, but her tumor from the first foot surgery resurged shortly after it was removed. There could be a lot of reasons for this. It's possible not enough tissue was removed before. But she has been diagnosed with plantar fibromatosis and we decided on a second surgery. This time they removed not only the tumor but surrounding muscle and skin, and part of the fascia itself. There is still a chance of recurrence, whereupon we would likely need to remove the entire fascia and she would just have to... walk around without one for the rest of her life. That's a thing that people go through, though, and kids especially are so easy to heal.
The whole ordeal hasn't been easy on her, though. She can't swim, run, jump, or play very much. She can hardly walk and relies on assistance or a foot scooter. Bathtime has become a bit of a production. They also had to dissect one of her nerves during the procedure, which led to some extremely painful nerve pain her first night home. She has been a real trooper about it, though. Children are so resilient and they have terrific attitudes--well, at least Siren does. She had her surgery on a Wednesday; after Friday, she decided that she was so fucking bored just laying in bed and playing on Roblox and YouTube that she wanted to go back to school early. Fortunately, her teachers have been quite accommodating, and the students have been curious and considerate of her. I just don't want her to have to go through this again. What the hell kind of ten-year-old develops this condition? Poor kid. Hopefully we're all done after this. It's been two years of fussing and pain and discomfort and she deserves none of it.
Plus, my health anxiety is the worst when it comes to her. I have health anxiety for myself, but usually it comes down to that I don't really like to be alive very much anyway; I just sorta stick around because Siren needs a mom and my own mom needs a kid. But the idea of Siren being harmed or hurt or ill or worse? I can't handle it. My anxiety and depression have been terrible these past several weeks. Since the last time Siren went swimming, I spent nearly two weeks after consumed by the fear that she'd be killed by parasites in her brain from the freshwater. I have medical trauma from what she and I have been through with our health challenges. It's hard on me too. Maybe it's even harder on me mentally, even if it's hardest on her physically. Or maybe that's self-centered of me to say. Either way, I don't think any parent enjoys their child suffering. If they do, they should consider a career change.
Anyway, now it's the part of the day where I get to choose how to spend my time. I could watch some tv and continue crocheting my new cardigan--I'm about 66% done with it now! Or I could bust out the Singer and continue some mending and altering. My latest interest has been in Y2K-ish, Thirteen-inspired pieces, with lots of inspiration from Madeline Pendleton's designs as well. Thank God it's almost fall. That's the best time of year to wear clothes and everything else about fall too.