Sunday, January 23rd, 2022, 22:00

Mood: Exhausted

Wow I actually went a whole week without updating on here. That's the longest I've gone since I started back up on Neocities. I've been spending most of my time working on something that I will share whenever it's totally finished, but it's been consuming all of my time and energy. Once I go public with what it is, it'll be really cool, but until then there's what feels like a ton of uncertainty and anxiety about whether or not it will be completed. Fortunately at work they have us on a "flex schedule" where we do two weeks work from home, then one week in the office, so that helps a lot. The next two weeks will be working from home. I really don't understand why we don't just all work from home permanently until the pandemic is declared over--or, at least, until the cases go down substantially--but I reckon it's the university president's way of getting to be like "Look at how good we're doing!" while all of us get covid and call off and shit. (To be fair, at least, I got covid outside work.)

Recovering from covid with EDS is not easy. I get fatigued very easily and exhausted not that long into the day, about halfway through it. Thursday and Friday were my first days walking around campus, and that was the most activity I'd had in two weeks. I am in no shape to get back into my regular workout routine, and I have been struggling with very painful sinus pressure and congestion, as well as an exacerbation of my POTS symptoms such as elevated HR and chest pain. Fortunately, I've overcome the bronchitis almost completely, and I'm very happy that my lungs are still in good working order. Once I was pretty much recovered, I resolved to get back on TikTok, and one of the first videos it showed me was of an EDS patient who also thought she was recovered from covid, but then developed pneumonia out of nowhere. That was great! But I don't think this will happen to me.

I'm also taking a baby aspirin (81mg) once a day just because covid can increase blood clot risk, and I take continuous birth control to treat endometriosis and I just really want to decrease that risk. I guess, all things considered, I could be in way worse shape than I am and I am happy--but I am frustrated that I am so much worse for the wear now than I was three weeks ago. I'm also so substantially grateful that Siren is completely recovered and does not appear to have any lasting effects whatsoever. Thank God it was easy on her. The poor kid had a surgery and then covid pretty much back to back, and finally she is healed from both.

I'm also looking for a new job for when I graduate and my assistantship contract is up. I realized whenever I was recovering from covid that I can't have the insecurity and stress of cobbling together a bunch of adjunct teaching positions and hoping for the best, so I'm looking for something more stable in research. I still want to teach, but perhaps one class a semester on the side. Hopefully I can find something decent!

Honestly my depression has also been bad lately and, when I'm not overwhelmed with this project, my studies, or finding a new job, I am mostly sitting around my house feeling totally inadequate.