Friday, November 4th, 2022, 21:28

Mood: Nauseated

I worked from home all week from being sick. Yesterday I thought I finally turned a corner with this sinus infection and would get to work out today. Evidently not. I also have been having recurring weirdness with my stomach and migraine stuff coming. Blegh. I am like really sick of being all the time sick. There was a while there between whenever we got covid in January until about August that I was actually fine, which is a big reason I didn't update on here as much. It seems like ever since my cancer scare I've just been sick perpetually.

I decided to log out of Facebook and delete the app from my phone to encourage me to take up new/old tech hobbies like updating my Neocities and playing games. I got an email today saying that the game Mini Metro was half off on Steam, so now it's only $5. I thought what the hell and downloaded it and I've been playing that and Rollercoaster Tycoon. I've been sick to the point lately of having a hard time sticking to my crafts, and it's dangerous to just be on social media all day long. I really would like to commit to playing more games and not caring what anyone thinks of me, but it's so hard. It's not even like that I have this high image of myself and want people to think I have very good taste--I have pretty terrible taste in just about everything--but I sort of feel like with gaming particularly I'm inches away from getting verbally berated if I do something wrong. I associate gaming with being a live-in gamer girlfriend who exists to entertain spoiled incellish men.

Whenever I got the email about Mini Metro, I was at Walgreens with Siren getting her a BA4/BA5 bivalent covid booster. I'm so glad she will be protected whenever we go to the Philippines. I also got her a vaccine for Japanese encephalitis, even though they estimate about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of travelers contracting it, because I am neurotic and will just not be happy the whole time if I'm worryng that Siren will get it. I'm going to try to see about getting her something for typhoid too and I'm even making sure we're proximal to clinics in our province that offer rabies vaccines if we happen to encounter some sketchy dogs.

I hear a lot of talk about people with borderline personality disorder having a "favorite person" and I never really understood that because I don't think I'm very lovey-dovey in my romantic relationships. I realized recently that Siren is my favorite person. I have literally been calling her my favorite person since she was born. I obviously don't overstep parent-child boundaries--I don't confide with Siren about adult matters that she isn't a part of or rely on her for inappropriate support--but Siren is the literal center of my world. Before Siren, I drank constantly and don't remember much. I have hobbies, a life, and an identity outside my kid, sure--but they are all totally meaningless without her. Whenever she's not around or she's asleep, I miss her. But then because I'm like introverted and autistic, whenever she is around, we just like parallel play lmao. My point is that, yes, it is probably overkill to make sure my daughter is getting all these shots for these super unlikely diseases, but I will literally not survive a world without her in it. (Plus, my parents got me vaccinated against these things before I went to the Philippines, and I insist that Siren has everything I had in life but better.)

I'm really, really, really hoping I kick all the sick soon. This shit where I only work out once a week is not fucking cool.