Saturday, July 22nd, 2023, 20:34

Mood: Tired

I didn't really get to do any of the cool stuff I wanted to this week, largely in part to just being overwhelmed by everything and in general. It just seems like there's too damn much to adulthood, all the time, constantly--and I don't just mean the mundanities of work and duty. I mean, my thinking oscillates between looking at people who are, I suppose, "basic" and who don't appear to demonstrate any outward problems--at least, you know, not the ones caused by their own neurodiversity and inability to exist in a world designed against it--and I'm either jealous of them or pity them for being so boring. Hopefully that makes sense. I lately would love to be boring. I want to know what it's like to long to have "WIFE, MOTHER, DAUGHTER" inscribed onto my headstone, and still believe that's where my body will live when my spirit is up in Heaven.

But maybe everybody in the world is as miserable as I am, and they just go out of their way to not indulge or think about it quite as often as I do. Anyways.

Other than that I suppose there is not much to update about my life. I will begin weaning from Depakote soon, because I just decided that the mood stabilizing properties don't justify the side effects at all at this point. My psychiatrist will start me on a low dose of Topamax, which I guess might also produce a bunch of terrible side effects but we won't know until we try.

Yesterday was cool though. We went to the fair! I wish I had taken pictures. We spent some time with Evie and I got to meet her "Huzbend" Anthony and two people she used to work haunts with. Siren got to ride a bunch of different rides, the faster and taller the better. She is her father's daughter. Then today after work I made refrigerator pickes for the first time.

I guess for now I will just hang out and watch my stupid shows and play Mini Metro or crochet until it's time to go to sleep and have a tomorrow where I do it all over again.